Memento
by DarkPoltergeist
Summary: Set after Han's capture at the end of ESB, Leia returns to the rebel base and finds out he left behind a memento for her...
1. Chapter 1

I found this in my Star Wars fanfiction closet and thought I should post it up.

Set after ESB and after Han's rescue in ROTJ.

**Set after Han's capture at the end of ESB, Leia returns to the rebel base and finds out he left behind a memento for her...**

**Memento**

By Dark Poltergeist

**Chapter 1 - Denial**

Leia had been in denial, complete and absolute denial. Han was gone, taken from her by Vadar and that horrible bounty hunter, Boba Fett. And she was here, alone, on the rebel base. Every day she got up, every day she focused on the Alliance and getting through the day, and every evening when she was done, and preparing for bed she found tears in her eyes. Most of the time she could brush them away but there were times when she couldn't deny their existence and those were the times that she broke down and she cried gut wrenching tears that tore at her very soul.

It was as if all her sorrows, the torments that ate at her shields, and at her soul had been laid bare before her when she lost Han. His loss triggered all the grief she felt for Alderaan, for the torture and deaths of countless sentient beings within and without the alliance, and for her own inhumane imprisonment and torture at the hands of Darth Vadar.

Losing Han had brought all those feelings, and inadequacies rushing forward, her battered psyche could no longer hold her emotions at bay, and she felt lost. She had no idea that that scruffy looking, nerf herder had been the one calming her, holding her together with his sarcastic, biting remarks and safe, loving arms.

Now she knew and couldn't stop crying.

What was wrong with her?

She wiped her eyes and gathered herself together. Luke, Chewie, and Lando were out looking for Han, doing everything they could to find him, she knew that. But what if they never found him? What if they found him and it was too late for him? What if he died? Or worse, they saved him, and he was insane?

She spent endless hours since her return researching the effects of carbonite freezing on a human and found that there wasn't enough data to provide substantial conclusions. And that the possible scenarios drawn up by the data was dire at best.

_Oh, Han! I'm sorry I failed you! I'm sorry I didn't believe how serious your bounty hunters were._

Truth be told, her logical mind knew that given the circumstances, there was nothing she could do, the outcome was inevitable. But her conscious mind still screamed that there had to be something that she could do.

Bespin. She couldn't forget the trip to Bespin and her time with Han. Why in the hell had she waited so long to be with him? Why had she waited so long to admit her feelings for him? So much time she wasted, so much time she could never reclaim.

She let out a short, sharp laugh.

Her state of mind was so turbulent so filled with emotions that she was grasping at any possibility to be with Han. For a time, she had even wondered if she might be pregnant. It was highly unlikely as they both used protection, and she knew it would be an impossible task to have a child in the middle of a war that she was fighting, a war in which she was a major player. But it would be Han's child. A part of him that she had never had before, and if she never got him back, or he was a gibbering mess, then she would still have his child. A small part of her hoped it was possible, hoped that she carried him with her but her physical after returning to the alliance had dismissed that possibility immediately.

She was relieved and mournful at the same time.

Now she went through the motions day by day, waiting for word about Han.

Luke, Chewie, and Lando were following leads and thought they were getting close, but it was hard to hope, hard to believe that she would get her missing heart back.

_Stupid bantha ass! I never meant to love you this much!_

The door buzzed and Leia looked up in surprise.

"Come in," she said.

General Rieken stepped inside the door of her quarters and let the door shut behind him. She noted that he seemed uncomfortable.

"My apologies for interrupting you at such a late hour, Lelilia."

She raised an eyebrow in question, aware that he was addressing her personally rather than as a member of the Commanding alliance staff. "Something I can do for you, Carlist?"

"I wanted to see how you are," he said and stepped closer to her. He could see the tear tracks on her cheeks.

"I've been better," he offered him a small smile.

"I can see that," he said and opened his arms to her.

"Oh, Carlist," she clutched the fabric of his uniform and cried. He held her for several minutes until the tears stopped and she rested against him. A short time later, she pulled away from him, and the older man brushed away her remaining tears.

"It will be all right, little one."

"How can it be?"

"They'll find him, they will."

"And then? He could already be dead, he could die from hibernation sickness, he could be…insane…."

"Shh, Leia, have faith." His blue eyes were solemn, strong, and Leia tried to draw that strength into her soul.

"Forgive me, Carlist, I'm sure you didn't stop by to talk about Han."

"Actually, I did."

"Oh?"

"Yes, I know how much you…care for him and wanted to tell you that it's perfectly fine to love someone like that." He paused for just a moment. "He loves you too."

"I don't know that he loves me."

The General began to chuckle. "Then you're the only one who doesn't."

"What do you mean?" her brow furrowed in puzzlement.

"Leia, why do you think he's stuck around the last three years?"

"I assure you, Carlist, I have no idea."

"Obviously. The rest of the base could see it thought. Leia, he's in love with you, and from what I've seen of his behavior towards you, he has been for quite a while."

"Why didn't I know?"

He shrugged. "Maybe you didn't want to, maybe you were afraid to admit it, only you know the answer."

Leia slowly nodded her agreement. "I was such a fool. All the time we could have had…"

"…and will still have. Like I said, Leia, have faith."

"You have so much?"

"Yes. You both deserve something good in life and I think you've found it in each other. I refuse to believe that fate, or the force, or what have you would let you experience such a deep love to take it away from you."

"I never said it was a deep love," she began, but stopped when Rieken just gave her a knowing look. "Fine."

"Despite what some of the others in high command might think, I've worked closely with Solo the last three years and I know that he's a good man. He tries to hide behind his smuggler facade but he's actually a decent, caring man who had a rough start. He would do absolutely anything to protect you."

"I don't need his protection."

"He knows that too, but he'll still protect you when you need it."

"I should have done more to protect him," she mourned.

"From what you've told me there was nothing you could have done. You were lucky not to be a prisoner of Vadar."

Leia grimaced but said nothing.

"Besides offering you some comfort and telling you to believe, I have another purpose to my visit tonight."

"Which is?"

"I have something for you." Rieken produced a small black silk bag from behind his back. It wasn't big enough to be a purse, but the pouch could be easily fit with daily wear. Leia took it and gave him a curious look. She could feel something inside of the exquisitely expensive pouch.

"Carlist?"

"Not from me. From Solo."

"Han?" Her heart caught in her throat. "When did…"

"He gave it to me before he came to the Command Center to say goodbye, when he was ready to head out to meet with Jabba. He said he didn't know how you would react to his leaving, but after he left, he wanted you to know that he was coming back. He left this for me to give to you."

"What is it?" Leia's brow wrinkled in curiosity.

"That's not for me to know. That's between you and Solo."

Leia nodded. "Thank you, Carlist."

"My pleasure. I hope it brings you comfort."

Carlist stepped up and gave her a last comforting hug and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"Let me know if you need anything, my dear."

She nodded and Carlist disappeared through the door. Once it closed, she sat down on her cot, taking Han's mysterious pouch with her. She touched the black silk, enjoying the feel of it, it was so soft, it felt good against her skin.

Slowly, she opened the pouch and reached in to feel the contents. The first thing she found was a filmsi. She pulled it out and was surprised to find a picture of her and Han, hands clasped, and grinning at each other like there was no one else around in the world. She remembered that mission, it was shortly after Yavin. Han had been dispatched on a supply run where Han and Chewie had procured the supplies but had to escape out of a firefight. Leia was more concerned for their safely than she was prepared to admit, and when they landed, she was one of the first ones to greet them and ascertain the status of their health. Han was wounded, blood staining his shirt and vest, and he grimaced as he walked down the ramp. She ran up to him and hugged him, glad he was in one piece but then saw his wounded arm. She put her hand in his, intent on pulling him to Medbay, but he resisted and for a few moments they just stood there, grinning at one another. For the life of her she couldn't let go of his hand or stop looking at him because of the warm feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Despite the circumstance they were undeniably happy to see each other. That's when she knew that he had somehow gotten under her shields and at the very least, was one of her most trusted friends.

It was a lovely picture and Leia had no idea Han had it or where he had gotten it from, but it seemed he looked at it often if the worn corners were any indication.

Leia gently set the photo aside and reached inside the pouch again, this time pulling out a sealed envelope with her name scrawled across the front. Curious, she opened the envelope, first pulling out a piece of paper with a short note.

Leia,

I'm coming back to you. This is a reminder of that and a promise. I have plans for you…

_What in the world?_

She turned the envelope over and shook out a flat sealed package which fell out onto the bed. With tentative fingers, she turned the package over and then realizing what it was clapped her hand over her mouth in shock as she began to laugh!

_That audacious, cocksure, arrogant man! _

They hadn't even been together when he was going to leave before the Imperials invaded the base at Hoth.

She poked at the prophylactic in the wrapper on the bed and laughed until the tears leaked out of her eyes.

_Oh, Han, Han! Thank you! I know you're coming back to me because we have to put this to use…_

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	2. Chapter 2

**Memento**

By Dark Poltergeist

**Chapter 2 -The Return**

Han lie sleeping beside Leia, having been released from the infirmary only hours earlier. If it was a choice between him not understanding how close he had come to death or being too scared to admit it, Leia would bet on the last scenario. Han was one of the most intelligent men she knew, but that wouldn't stop him from ignoring the things he didn't want to face.

Leia, supporting most of Han's weight, staggered into his cabin and watched him collapse on his bunk in a heap, groaning as he rolled to the edge of it. She watched him carefully to make sure he wasn't sick again and was relieved when he didn't vomit. She was sure his insides were sore enough from expelling the carbon poison from his system for the last two weeks. He'd spent his first two days being hydrated and treated with drugs to draw out most of the carbonite which resulted in a great deal of vomiting and diarrhea. When the medical staff was convinced that he was stable enough to withstand it, he was immersed in a powerful bacta bath for two days. By the time he came out of that his vitals were much better, and his skin started to have a healthy sheen to it, his broken and bruised ribs finally started to heal. He was still very sick but now it was within the realm of a normally sick person, not one hovering at death's door.

Much as she expected, he had been a recalcitrant patient and once he started feeling better, he began to make the medical staff's life a living hell. But to their credit, the medical staff ignored his blustering and threats and brought him back from the edge of death. The hibernation sickness had nearly killed him once they returned from Tatooine.

Taking pity on the annoyed medical staff, Leia coaxed them into releasing Han under her supervision for the next week. They did their best to be stern, but Leia almost laughed at the relief on their faces when they left.

And today, upon his release, he had been upgraded to a mere miserable. Good vital signs, stable, hydrated but with a terribly upset stomach that was starting to keep bland food down. Although sometimes nauseous, he hadn't vomited for two days.

All of which made Leia a very happy and relieved Princess.

Once he got past the nausea of collapsing in his bed, he gave Leia a relieved look.

"Thanks for bringin' me home," he rasped.

"My pleasure."

"Gotta sleep. Sorry…" he muttered as he drifted off to sleep.

That was three hours ago, and he was still sleeping soundly, and she was still watching him. There were no words to express her immense gratitude at not losing this man from her life. She was getting an immense amount of joy from watching him breathe normally, and from knowing that he would be well, and that he would be hers once again.

In went his breathe. Out. In. Out.

His breathing was regular. She chided herself for watching him so closely, but the last three weeks she had been perched like a predatory bird next to his bedside. All procedures concerning his health had to be cleared with her, and nothing happened unless she was there. Her own sleep and eating had suffered but it hadn't mattered. Nothing had mattered but making sure he came back to her.

With a bit of surprise, she realized she was tired. Exhausted really. And maybe a little hungry, she thought as her stomach growled.

"I heard that," a deep voice croaked from beside her. "You might want to eat somethin', Princess."

"It's a thought," she agreed, smiling happily as she noted he was wide awake and watching her.

"How do you feel?"

"Do I have to answer?" He rubbed a hand over his face. "I feel like an Imperial walker stomped on me and then a Wampa ate me only to spit me out, and now I'm this bent up, gooey mess of a man…" he gave her a weak smile. "How're you doin'?"

"Better now that you're back, that you're well."

"Well, isn't the right word…yet."

"But it will be." She crawled over onto his chest and propped herself up. "And then I'll have my beloved scoundrel back."

"Beloved?" He raised an eyebrow and though he tried to make a joke of it, his tone was serious.

"Yes, beloved. I thought you knew that by now."

"I've been a little sick, I may have missed some of that."

She studied his face. "What do you remember?"

"Really? Not much. Bits and pieces. I remember everything until I was dropped into that damned chamber. Was it really seven months?"

"Yes, seven horribly long months." She leaned up and gave him a chaste kiss on his lips, causing him to smile. "Seven months when I thought that I had lost the other half of me."

"Lei, I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault." She touched his face and he looked back at her. "What was it like? Were you conscious?"

Han closed his eyes and for a few moments his breathing became erratic.

"Han, it's okay. You don't have to talk about it."

"Good. Thanks." He swallowed the lump in his throat and pulled Leia to him. "Claustrophobic. Cold. Like being stuck in a nightmare with no way out. I'll never feel comfortable in a closed space again." His arms were trembling, so he released her. "Sorry…"

"There's nothing to be sorry for, you're back. And I don't care what kind of faults you have or don't have. You're mine and I love you."

"I'm yours?" his voice was filled with uncertainty.

"Han? What's wrong?"

He rolled his eyes and gave her a "I can't believe you're asking me that' look. "So much."

"I'll take care of you."

"You shouldn't have to," he grumbled and put an arm across his eyes and remained silent.

She ran a hand over his bicep until he opened his eyes and looked at her.

"If our situations were reversed would you take care of me?" she asked.

He removed his arm and glared at her. "'course."

"Then why is this different?" she cocked her head at him.

He grumbled under his breath but nodded his acquiescence.

"Hey Hotshot, I have a present for you!" she poked him in the ribs and he grunted but watched as she scrambled off the bed and pulled out the top drawer of the nightstand, reached inside and palmed something before closing it again.

"What'cha got?" She heard the curiosity in his voice.

"A present, something that I need to return to you."

"I don't' understand."

"You will." With an impish grin, she pressed the condom he had left for her before their trip to Bespin into the palm of his hand.

He wrinkled his brow for a moment until he realized what he was holding. He gave her a helpless look. "Leia…I'm not ready…I can't…"

"Shh!" She pressed her finger to his lips. "I'm not saying we have to do anything now. When you're ready."

"Then?"

"You left this for Carlist to give to me when you were leaving to go see Jabba, before Bespin. Do you remember?"

She watched as Han rippled through those memories and was happy when she saw a smile creep across his face. "Leia, I'm coming back to you. This is a reminder of that and a promise. I have plans for you…" he gave her that damn lopsided smile and felt her heart swell to epic proportions.

"Did you mean it?"

"I wouldn't leave a condom for just anyone."

Leia couldn't help it, she laughed, and soon Han joined her. They held each other and giggled helplessly.

"You're incorrigible. You know that, right?"

"You wouldn't love me if I wasn't."

"Hmm, you may have a point."

He held up the condom and they both regarded it for a moment.

"I think we should frame it," Leia said.

"Ya serious?"

"Why not? It was sort of like a promise ring, wasn't it?"

He snorted a laugh. "That's one way of looking at it, and it is a ring…of a sort…"

She punched him.

"Ow! Careful of the merchandise!" He protested.

They stared at each other, their smiles fading as they reached out their hands and touched each other's faces.

"I love you, Princess."

"And this," she waved the condom in the air, "was one way of saying that?"

He grinned. "Yeah, you just had to figure it out."

She rolled her eyes. "Men!"

"C'mere," he said and opened his arms.

Happy, she crawled into the space next to him and snuggled in tight.

"I dreamt of you, you kept me sane."

"So, you say," she said dryly.

He huffed in indignation, but she saw the smile on his face.

Leia's stomach growled again, and he laughed.

"Shouldn't you eat somethin' your Worship?"

"It will wait until we get up again because you need to eat too."

He grimaced.

"I'll spoon feed you if you have too…"

"Promise?" She couldn't miss the twinkle in his hazel eyes.

"When we wake up. Now be a good Flyboy and go to sleep."

"Yes, your Worship," he said, and kissed the top of her head where she was resting against him.

Content for the first time in a very long time, Leia closed her eyes and fell asleep almost instantly, safe within the strong arms that held her tight, and comforted by the presence of her odds defying, living scoundrel.

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AN: Reviews are most awesome - would love to hear from you if you like this. Thanks.


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